I went to Mass today. But I almost didn't. I almost hit snooze. I was dreaming about work. and when that happens, it's not a happy and restful sleep anyway. But I didn't. Hit snooze that is. I figured I had a grueling day ahead of me.
A wake in St. James, LI for my great uncle. I think. The familial lines are so fuzzy and twisted, I don't know if there is a clear title. He's my grandmother's half-sister's husband. I've never had a conversation with the man. I remember that he smoked cigars and was always watching football on TV. He was always yelling at the TV. But he was a good man. And I dreaded the wake. I dreaded losing myself in the whirlwind of family. The kind of family where, after you've said, "hey, how are you?" you look for an excuse to leave. Not all the time. But mostly. So there was that. Next stop--the hospital. My cousin (32) is currently getting chemo treatments. How can a person who is so young and athletic and very sweet in his own shy way--get cancer? Who decides this stuff? I try to put myself in his place. And I can't do it. Would I feel my body had betrayed me? Would I accept the disease? Would I want to fight? Too many questions. I mean, what do you say to someone who just got dealt a death sentence? Hope the jell-o is good here. Do you have cable?
Turns out my cousin had left the hospital early. He went home. So I never had to confront that reality. But I expected to. Which is why I went to church this morning.
I go to church for two things: the ambiance and the homily. Today's homily--incidentally--was how the "holy land" is everywhere. In Woodside. It wasn't very inspiring. But a noble try.
So--the reason for this post. There were two things I noticed. First, we typically have a person who "signs" the songs. So, if you're deaf, you're able to follow along. Well, then I got to wondering...what if a deaf person wanted to sing right along with everyone else? I actually saw a man in the crowd "sign" right alongside the person who was doing the interpretation. Well, then I thought, what if there was a whole choir of deaf people signing songs? Arms waving in the air, like Rockettes or synchronized swimmers--their arms dancing. That would be awesome.
The only part of Mass that I hate is the "sign of peace" part where you get to shake your neighbor's hand and say "peace." I always seem to bumble through it. There's like a second of embarrassment where you put your hand out for someone to recognize. But they don't. Then you want to withdraw...but you don't want to admit defeat. So you get more aggressive in sticking your hand out. I'm also always on the lookout for people who sneeze or pick their noses with the "peace" hand. When it comes time to give others a sign of peace, I try to avoid those folks. You can't really blame me. And there IS one per every Mass.
Well, at this particular Mass, we weren't instructed to give the sign of peace. Instead, we were told to "smile and wave peace" to your neighbor. Whew!! smile, nod. smile, nod. But wait! Smiling was not the same as grabbing his hand. It was less personal. There was a connection lost. Damn. I guess there was a point to sharing a touch. I don't want to admit it. But, if this is a permanent change, I think I'm going to feel sad every time Peace is exchanged.
I think the whole "smile and wave" thing is because of swine flu. But who knows? I haven't been to Mass in over six months. I just didn't expect all the changes.
